just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
