just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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