Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
