If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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