Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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