miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
