started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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