Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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