if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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