We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
