i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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