this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
