I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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