I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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