I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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