sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
