Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
