there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
