It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
