Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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