I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
