I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
