The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
