remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
