found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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