He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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