Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
