Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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