I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
