Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
