Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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