we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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