In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
