she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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