kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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