the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
