big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
