Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
