just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
the raccoons are back...
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