mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this beer tastes like vomit already
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
