I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
