you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
