In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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