its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
