Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
