How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
