Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
did i walk over a car last night?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
