When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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