I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
