I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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