saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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