I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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