I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
