Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
