so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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