i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
