K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
