I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
